A Word about “Lassies”

I don’t know for sure if Timmy was more accident prone than most boys his age, but it sure seemed that way to the millions of us who sat transfixed before our television sets many years ago. The show was Lassie, and it seemed as if Timmy was constantly in some sort of trouble, and Lassie, of course, was his “on-call” rescuer.

From the TV series, Lassie

There are times and situations in which it is important and appropriate to rescue someone–for example, when little Timmy has fallen into a well.

He can’t get himself out.

He needs to be rescued.

We’re not sure how he got in the well in the first place. We can stand around the well discussing the question, but little Timmy needs to be helped out of the well. Right now!

However, as he grows older, we expect Timmy to make some changes:

We expect him to make better, healthier choices.

We expect him to take responsibility for and deal with the consequences of his poor choices.

Also, the rescuer must become aware that his rescuing patterns are not just unhelpful, they are actually detrimental to Timmy’s healthy growth and development.

I love the cartoon depicting Timmy and Lassie in their later years.

Timmy and Lassie in later years

When we shift the discussion from “accidents” to “patterns of behavior,” Lassie’s role also shifts from being that of rescuer to “enabler.”

Simply stated, if you are a “Lassie,” it is essential to understand:

You are not able (regardless of how much you love someone) to change that person.

You are only able to change yourself and change your role in this relationship.

When you change your role, the dynamics of the relationship will change.

(Though not always in the way you would like them to.)

No matter how well intentioned the rescuer/enabler may be, he or she is usually preventing the other person from getting the help they really need.

As long as you are doing for them, they don’t have to do for themselves.

As long as you are assuaging their pain, you are keeping them from getting to their point of change, where it hurts too much to go on this way!

Finally, if you are a Lassie, consider the fact that, sometimes, even Lassies need help!

Sometimes Lassie needs help

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