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A Word about Looking Ahead

A Word about Looking Ahead

I celebrated a birthday recently (no gifts, please:), and for the first time in my life, I decided to give myself a party. I had so much fun, I may do it again!  Next month!

The party was wonderful, and the friends and family who participated were all great.

However, I realized that the anticipation of the party was almost as exciting as the party itself!

I found myself looking forward to it for several weeks.  Looking forward to seeing the friends who I haven’t seen in a while.  Looking forward to the family being together. Looking forward to the people who had not met each other getting to know each other.

I know you understand what I am saying.  The expectation and visualization of what was yet to come was almost as much fun as the event itself.

When people are in my office for couples therapy, they are almost always in a crisis of some sort.  And when people are in crisis, they are not able to look forward to doing things with their partner, because, in that moment, they are not sure they will continue to be partners.

However, once the initial crisis has been managed, I want them to engage in a specific dialogue. I want them to share with each other some things they are looking forward to in their relationship.  It may be a trip, a holiday, a birthday, retirement.

It is a very special moment when two people look into each other’s eyes and talk about their future together!  You can see it on their faces, and you can hear it in their voices.  They begin to visualize and anticipate.  They get excited, and their excitement has a dramatic impact on, not just their future, but their here and now!

Robert Browning, in Rabbi Ben Ezra wrote,

Grow old along with me! 

The best is yet to be, 

The last of life, for which the first was made: 

Guess what, we have some more holidays approaching.  I’m really looking forward to them.  How about you?

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